


how we met your second daddy

by ravenreyamidala



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Background Kent Parson/Larissa Duan, Crackfic taken seriously, Daddy Kink, Intersex Kent, M/M, Male Lactation, Mistaken Identity, Mpreg, Multi, Open Relationship, Pregnancy sex, Shower Interlude, polamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 13:16:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22868548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravenreyamidala/pseuds/ravenreyamidala
Summary: Jack opens his door, expecting Girl Scouts selling Thin Mints. He ends up getting something far sweeter.
Relationships: Eric "Bitty" Bittle/Jack Zimmermann, Eric "Bitty" Bittle/Kent "Parse" Parson, Eric "Bitty" Bittle/Kent "Parse" Parson/Jack Zimmermann, Kent "Parse" Parson/Jack Zimmermann
Comments: 17
Kudos: 50





	how we met your second daddy

**Author's Note:**

> based off of this tumblr post: https://lucifer-siam.tumblr.com/post/190959004994/john-x-doe-wanderingw0lf13-zackisontumblr 
> 
> and sleep deprivation. 
> 
> notes: even though it's not super explicitly discussed in this, bitty and kent have a consensually open relationship :)

Jack opens the door to a heavily pregnant, sweaty blond man, who just glares at him. 

“Took you long enough to answer the door, jerk,” the man grumbles, and Jack reflexively moves away from the door so he can collapse on Jack’s couch. 

“Uh, who are you?” Jack wonders, ducking into the kitchen to grab a sealed bottle of water from the fridge. 

He can’t make out most of the man’s reply, but does hear ‘Bitty,’ which is vaguely familiar to Jack.

“Sorry, didn’t catch that,” Jack says as he comes back and hands the man the water. 

The man ignores Jack in favor of cracking open the bottle and taking big gulps of water. Jack’s eyes are caught on how the man’s throat bobs as he chugs. 

As Jack’s focus turns to the man’s hands, he remembers why Bitty sounded familiar. Bitty, the tiny blond Jack had gone out with months ago. Jack shifts in his armchair as he recalls the night they spent together, but frowns as he remembers how he woke up to an empty bed. 

“I thought you were shorter,” Jack’s traitorous brain decides to say, and the man slowly sets down the bottle as his face rapidly grows red. 

“How dare you! I am alone and pregnant, and you decide to add salt to injury and kick a helpless pregnant man while he’s down,” Bitty says, sitting back with a huff and crossing his arms, unintentionally pushing up some features that definitely weren’t there the last time Jack had seen him. 

The last time Jack had seen him. Approximately 9 months ago. Jack feels faint for a moment and looks at Bitty again, trying to ascertain if the kid’s his. 

“Wait, why show up now?” Jack asks, panicking. 

“Who even are you?” Bitty asks, before shaking his head. “Never mind, it doesn’t matter, just get over here and fuck me.” 

“Wh-what?” Jack stutters, mind going completely blank. 

“Oh right, I gotta safety text someone real quick, give me a second,” Bitty says, pulling out his phone. 

“You should probably send them a picture of me and an address too,” Jack advises. “You still have my phone number, right?”

Bitty squints up at Jack. 

“I don’t have the attention span for this safety text,” Bitty decides, tossing his phone at Jack who scrambles to catch it. “Send him the important info and fuck me until I can sleep, kay?” 

Jack’s already typing away on Bitty’s phone to someone entered in as “Dicky” when he hears the soft thud of cloth hitting his living room carpet, and he looks up automatically. His mouth goes dry at the sight of Bitty’s smooth torso and how tenderly Bitty cradles his bump. 

“This is kind of a weird request,” Bitty says shyly, and Jack has enough control to refrain from pointing out that this whole conversation has been mostly weird requests. “I’m just kind of sweaty, and I don’t want to get your sheets dirty, so do you mind if I take a shower?”

Jack hurriedly takes a selfie and sends it off, abandoning the phone on the armchair. 

“Uh yeah, here, I’ll show you the way,” Jack says, getting up and gesticulating awkwardly with his hands before Bitty rolls his eyes and takes Jack’s hand in his. 

“You’re about to fuck me senseless, you can help me waddle to your bathroom, okay?” Bitty chirps fondly before carding his other hand through Jack’s hair and pulling Jack down for a lingering kiss. 

Jack’s light-headed when Bitty pulls away, and it takes a moment for his head to clear. 

“Uh, here, the master bath has a shower bench,” Jack stammers, putting his hand on the small of Bitty’s soft, warm back and guiding him to Jack’s luxurious shower. 

Bitty puts his hands on Jack’s shoulders for balance as Jack helps him out of his pants. As Bitty takes care of his boxers, Jack lays a towel down on the shower bench, since he knows the bench can be shockingly cold before the shower heats it up. 

“Hey, um, can you help me?” Bitty says coyly, looking up at Jack through his eyelashes as he tenderly cradles his bump. “It just gets so slippery and wet, and it’s so hard for me to stay balanced these days.”

“Yes, of course, come inside and sit and I’ll turn the shower on for you,” Jack hastily says, guiding Bitty in and turning the knob before jumping out and shucking his clothes.

“Oh, look at you,” Bitty says when he sees Jack. “Big all over, huh?” 

“How’s the water temp?” Jack says stupidly, and Bitty just laughs. 

“Aren’t you a considerate one?” he says, trailing a hand down Jack’s chest. “So strong too.”

“Your eyes are prettier than I thought,” Jack says bluntly, looking at Bitty’s chest. 

“This is the one time I don’t mind someone forgetting where my eyes are,” Bitty chuckles, before stilling suddenly, putting a hand to his bump. 

Jack’s heart skips a beat, and he puts his hand over Bitty’s. 

“Is everything okay?” Jack says worriedly. “Should I call a doctor?” 

“No, they just kicked,” Bitty says. “Stubborn little fucker. Takes after their daddy.” 

He looks up at Jack with the last sentence, smiling softly. 

“Oh wow,” Jack says, awestruck, as he feels the baby kick underneath his hand. 

Bitty smirks and grabs the soap. 

“So, are you going to help me clean up or not, Daddy?” Bitty says flirtatiously. 

* * *

“Jack, just fuck me already,” Bitty begs, but Jack continues to carefully and methodically lick him open. 

“Just trying to be thorough,” Jack murmurs, before diving back into Bitty’s cunt. 

He doesn’t really remember Bitty having a cunt from their last encounter, but Bitty had been fucking him, so it’s reasonable that Jack probably didn’t notice. Although he could have sworn Bitty’s cock was bigger based on how it had him walking the next day. 

“If you don’t stick something other than your tongue in me right now, I’m going to get up and leave!” Bitty threatens, which is undercut by the way he moans as Jack sucks lightly at the head of his dick. 

“Just be patient and let me take care of you,” Jack croons as he finally pushes his finger into Bitty’s warm, wet hole. 

“More, Jack, please” Bitty moans, grabbing Jack’s hair and pulling him up for a kiss at Jack inserts another finger and starts to scissor them against Bitty’s soft, clinging walls. 

“You’re still so tight for me,” Jack murmurs against Bitty’s lips, careful not to put any of his weight on Bitty’s belly. “You still okay?” 

“The baby-- I’m tighter,” Bitty moans as Jack slowly slides in a third finger. 

“I bet you would look beautiful on my fist,” Jack praises, and Bitty moans, belly pressing against Jack’s abs as he comes, clinging tighter to Jack’s fingers before relaxing. 

Jack takes a moment to slide on a condom, before reaching for Bitty. His nails dig into Jack’s shoulders as Jack starts to push in slowly, groaning as Bitty slowly stretches open around him. 

“You good?” Jack checks in when he’s halfway in, and Bitty just gives a little nod and leans up for a kiss. 

“You feel so good, splitting me open with your big cock,” Bitty moans. “Faster, Jack, c’mon.” 

Jack ignores him and continues to slowly push in. Bitty smiles sweetly up at him, and Jack smiles back, before grunting as Bitty pulls his hair harshly so Jack’s ear is at Bitty’s lips. 

“Fuck me like you mean it,  _ Daddy _ ,” Bitty says viciously, before biting Jack’s ear. “Fuck me til I’m screaming, come on, I need it, fuck this baby out of me.” 

“Fuck, okay,” Jack gasps, pulling out before slamming his dick back in. 

“That’s more like it,” Bitty sighs. “Just like that, oh, yes, Jack!” 

“Not going to last much longer,” Jack grunts out, reaching a hand between them to stroke Bitty’s small cock. “Come for me, I want feel you around me before I come.” 

And Bitty does as Jack says, coming with a cry before slumping, and Jack leans down to kiss Bitty as he comes, before collapsing next to Bitty on the bed. 

“Don’t touch me, too hot,” Bitty manages to drawl out as Jack removes the condom, tying it off and disposing of it in the nearby wastebasket. He dutifully scootches away from Bitty before they both fall asleep. 

* * *

“Wake the fuck up, Jack!” someone hisses, shaking his shoulder roughly. 

“Five more minutes,” Jack mumbles, turning away. 

“I’m in labor, asshole,” the same person shrieks, and Jack pushes the hand off his shoulder before sitting upright, wide awake. 

“Wait, what?” he asks, turning to look at Bitty next to him. 

“I’m in labor fuckass, get me to the fucking hospital,” Bitty yells. 

Jack doesn’t remember the car ride over, and before he knows it, he’s supporting Bitty through the hospital lobby, having the man sit down before Jack does over to the front desk to fill out the paperwork. 

“Name?” the nurse asks, and Jack realizes he doesn’t remember Bitty’s last name. 

He gets a clipboard and a pen and passes the clipboard to Bitty after a contraction passes. Bitty glares at him but fills the form out quickly and gives Jack his insurance card before another contraction hits. Jack drops the paperwork off with the receptionist, and returns to Bitty to offer him his hand, which he regrets as Bitty’s grips nearly grinds his bones together. 

Thankfully, they’re shuffled into a room not too long after, and a nurse comes by to ask Bitty some questions. 

“So Mr. Parson, I see this is your first baby,” Nurse Anna says, flipping a page in Bitty’s chart. 

“Yes,” Bitty says, a little calmer after a contraction passes. “That’s right. Please tell me it’s going to be over soon.”

“I’m afraid not, Mr. Parson,” Nurse Anna chuckles, putting the chart down. “You’re only 3 centimeters dilated. Ordinarily we’d send you home, but owing to your status as an elderly primagravida, we’d like to keep you on hand for extra monitoring.”

“Brilliant,” Bitty groans. “Can you at least give me the good drugs?” 

“Once you start active labor, Mr. Parson,” Nurse Anna says serenely, before leaving. 

“Wait, when does that start?” Bitty calls after her, before tensing as another contraction hits. 

When it’s passed, Jack’s brow is furrowed in thought. 

“What’s a prima-gra, uh...prima-gravity?” Jack asks, trying to remember the phrase. 

“Elderly primagravida,” Bitty explains, remarkably patient for a man experiencing contractions for the first time. “Means I’m an olllllllld pregnant person.” 

“30 isn’t that old,” Jack asks, confused. 

“30? Aw, that’s sweet of you,” Bitty says. “It’s for people who are pregnant for the first time and 35 years old or more.” 

“What?” Jack asks blankly. 

“What?” Bitty echoes, looking confused. 

“I’m 35,” Jack says. 

“Congratulations bud, you’re younger than me,” Bitty says dryly. 

“No, no, I distinctly remember that you’re younger than I am,” Jack corrects. “Are you okay, is this a complication of the pregnancy?” 

“When did I tell you how old I was?” Bitty asks, bemused. 

“Uh, 9 months ago?” Jack points out. 

“9 months ago? Jack, we literally just met,” Bitty explains patiently. 

“Uh, no, we went out a date months ago?” Jack says. “You know, that place by the library.” 

Bitty takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly as another contraction hits, crushing Jack’s hand painfully. When he opens his eyes, he looks at Jack coldly. 

“I swear to god, if I’m being punked or something, I will castrate you,” he threatens calmly. 

“I’m just as confused as you are!” Jack insists, before he processes the conversation. “Wait, you had sex with a stranger while you were pregnant??” 

“My boyfriend knew where I was the entire time, it’s totally fine,” Bitty dismisses, and then Jack thinks of something else. 

“Is your name even Bitty?” Jack exclaims, and Bitty wrinkles his nose. 

“What, no, that’s my boy-,” Bitty starts, before the door opens, and a strikingly familiar blond man walks in. 

“What the fuck,” Jack says. 

“Bitty!” Bitty exclaims. 

Except-- that can’t be right. Jack sinks into the conveniently located couch and puts his face into his hand. 

“Sweetheart, I was so worried after I got your text, what were you doing hooking up in your condition?” Bitty says, and yep, now Jack remembers that gorgeous Southern drawl. “I’m glad you were smart enough to text me, but what on earth compelled you to do this?” 

“It’s the middle of July and the baby was overdue and you were gone and I was bored and horny and in pain,” not-Bitty whines pitifully. “Where have you been hiding Jack? He’s been so nice, when he isn’t mistaking me for you.” 

“Oh Jack, hi,” Bitty says, and Jack looks up. “Thanks so much for bringing Kent to the hospital, and uh...not serially murdering him?” 

“I don’t understand what’s happening,” Jack says blankly. 

“Fuck,” not-Bitty, Kent, says as another contraction hits, and Jack’s glad that it’s Bitty that has to bear the brunt of Kent’s death grip. “Get the fucking doctor, I want the pain meds now.” 

“Well, the nurse said you had to be in active labor,” Jack starts, but trails off at Kent’s glare. “Okay, um, be right back.” 

He can’t find Nurse Anna, and eventually he returns to the room in defeat, only to be caught flat-footed as he catches sight of Bitty and Kent, forehead to forehead, quietly murmuring. 

“Oh uh, sorry?” Jack offers when they look up at him. He jerks a thumb behind him. “I’ll just...go home then.” 

“Stay,” Kent asks simply.

And well, if Jack were capable of saying no to Kent, he’d still be at home, sleeping peacefully. He settles on the couch. 

* * *

“Wait, so you thought you got me pregnant?” Bitty asks, flabbergasted. 

“Well, I mean the timing of it, and it’s weird for a pregnant person to show up at a stranger’s place asking for sex! It’s a natural assumption to make,” Jack says defensively. 

“Jack, I dicked you down!” Bitty exclaims. “I think you’d remember fucking me.” 

“You would,” Kent says confidently to Jack. “When Bitty bottoms...whoo boy.” 

“Well, I wasn’t thinking very clearly, your boyfriend is very persuasive when he wants to be,” Jack insists. 

“How dare you, I’m persuasive even when I don’t want to be,” Kent sniffs haughtily. 

“Aw, you’re such a drama queen,” Bitty says fondly, tucking a piece of Kent’s hair behind his ear. 

“Careful, I’m holding the baby!” Kent squawks, holding the baby even closer to him. 

“Sorry, baby” Bitty says carefully to the sleeping babe. 

“Wait, who’s Dicky?” Jack asks, trying to connect all the dots on two hours of sleep.

“Ugh,” Bitty groans as Kent giggles, jostling the baby who begins mewling. 

“It’s what his mother calls him,” Kent chortles, setting the baby down in his lap carefully before parting his hospital gown to bare a leaking breast. Jack politely averts his eyes until he hears the baby’s quiet suckling sounds before turning back to the conversation. 

“Wait, so if we didn’t go on that date, how did you end up at my place?” Jack wonders. “How did you have my address?” 

“Well, my usual fuckbuddy for when Eric’s out of town lives a couple of doors down,” Kent explains, gazing adoringly at the baby as they nurse. “I mixed up some numbers when I was doing the satnav, and once I saw your face, I realized you weren’t Lardo, but I was too lazy to leave.” 

“That could have gone very badly for you,” Jack scolds, and Bitty smiles at him from across the hospital bed. 

“Kent, you have to work on your impulsivity,” Bitty says patiently, and Kent waves him off. 

“I know, I know, but pregnancy brain,” Kent defends. “Once all my hormones are sorted out and I’m back on my meds, I’ll be better, I know it.” 

“We’re still going to be talking to Cathy about this,” Bitty says sternly. 

“Yes, Daddy,” Kent huffs, and Jack shifts. 

“You too, huh?” Bitty says ruefully. 

“Yeah, uh,” Jack says eloquently, and Bitty laughs. 

“I like it too, don’t worry about it,” Bitty says. 

The baby finishes nursing, and Kent burps them, handling them easily. 

“I have a lot of nieces and nephews,” Kent explains to Jack, grinning as he carefully readjusts the baby. 

“I should...I should head out,” Jack finally says, as the silence grows between them. 

It’s not an uncomfortable one, but suddenly it feels like the walls are closing in on him and all he can see is everything he ever wanted and can’t have. 

“Oh, Jack, we’ll have you over for dinner sometime,” Bitty offers. “I’ll text you.” 

“Haha, well, I know you have a newborn and all, so no pressure,” Jack says awkwardly, before fleeing from the room. 

He doesn’t get to his car before the panic attack hits, but the good thing about being in a hospital is that a nurse is able to quickly sort him out so he can go home before Kent and Bitty can get wind of his attack. 

When he gets home, all he wants to do is sleep, but instead he clutches the shirt Kent left behind in their haste. It smells like him. 

* * *

“Dinner was amazing, thank you so much for having me over,” Jack says at the door, stuffing his hands into his pockets. 

“Of course, it was so nice to have you,” Bitty says cheerfully, and Kent grunts in agreement, readjusting the baby in his arms. Bitty gently elbows him. 

“Yeah, we’ll have to have you come back soon, it was nice to talk to someone who isn’t my boyfriend or his mother,” Kent chirps, elbowing Bitty back, who just rolls his eyes. 

“Yeah, uh,” Jack says, shuffling his feet. “Thanks, good night.” 

He starts to walk away, but someone grabs his arm, and he looks down at Bitty’s arm on his sleeve. 

“Don’t leave yet,” Bitty says and gives Jack the smile that he fell in love with all those months ago. 

* * *

“And that’s how your second daddy ended up living with us,” Kent coos to the rapt eight month old, his hands moving wildly as he holds a tiny spoon full of pureed potatoes. 

“You should probably stop cursing so much,” Jack says mildly from the kitchen counter. 

“Little pitchers have big ears,” Bitty says agreeably, wrapping his arms around Jack’s waist from behind. 

“Fuck that,” Kent chortles, finally giving baby the food. “One of you got me pregnant less than a year after the first one, so I’m going to say whatever shit I want to around my children.” 

“Hey, they’re ours too,” Jack interjects, and Kent puts the spoon down, smiling softly. 

“Yeah,” Kent agrees, stroking his barely there bump. “Ours.” 

**Author's Note:**

> yeah i don't really know what i'm doing either. 
> 
> oh and kent reads jack's name off of a framed college degree in the foyer or smething, in case you were wondering.


End file.
